Superficiality

At cellgroup this week, the discussion revolved around the fact that so many of our relationships with people never get past the superficial level, and that a sense of community in church cannot truly exist if people do not make an effort to deepen their relationships with one another.

I had some resistance to the idea of indiscriminately deepening all my various relationships because for the most part, I am really much happier keeping things at the superficial level with most of the people I know.

To be blunt, there are a lot of people whom I find totally uninteresting, and there are even more people whom I'd rather keep out of my affairs because I consider my life to be none of their business.

It sounds really harsh when I put it in writing, but that's how I feel.

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There are people who, for reasons unknown to me, will feign interest in my life and my opinions, but time eventually demonstrates that they're not truly interested at all.

Relationships with people like this are a real source of disappointment for me. When the truth is revealed, I have to resist the urge to ask why they even bothered to go through the charade in the first place. It's such a total waste of time.

I think that's why I'd rather be upfront and make my disinterest in other people obvious. I may be perceived as being unfriendly or aloof, but IMHO that's better than being fake.

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I think it's obvious enough to the people that I care about that they matter to me. Perhaps that's the saving grace in my attitude about all this.

It's so easy to be open with people with whom I have more than just a superficial relationship. There's no effort involved at all. Maybe it's because I feel like the interest is genuine, and therefore the motivation to be open and to share is there.

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I know this entry seems really weird, and my thoughts on this are somewhat jumbled and disorganized. It's partly because I experienced both extremes this week.

Sometime this week, I came to realize that someone I know is not being truly honest in their interactions with me... and I'm not sure what their motive is. I guess at this point I don't really care, because the reason doesn't really matter.

In stark contrast, two different friends (who don't know each other) emailed me this week to ask how I'm doing because I have been unusually quiet lately. It warms my heart more than I can express that they would be concerned and would write just to make sure everything's okay.

* * * *

At the end of the day, I think superficiality in relationships can be a good thing, and I will go so far as to say that it can actually be a healthy thing -- especially when used in the right context and to the right degree.

There's no point being fake about relationships, because there's too much effort involved to keep up the pretense, and the truth will reveal itself in the end.