Settling the Dinner Bill: A Spectrum of Choices

I've just finished reading (with a great deal of fascination) three blogposts by three different people who were all at the same dinner party.

They present three very different viewpoints as to how the dinner bill should have been settled:

• Split the Bill: Tara Hunt at HorsePigCow
• Against Splitting the Bill: Stephanie Booth at Climb to the Stars
  
• Be the Bank: Stowe Boyd at Ambivalence

I found it fascinating because there was some discussion as to whether or not the difference in opinion was cultural. I suppose culture plays a big part of it, but I've personally experienced major differences in bill-settling habits even in my own social circles here in Manila.

For example, I have a set of friends that routinely splits the bill, despite the fact that some don't drink and others don't order appetizers, dessert, or coffee.

I've also been in situations at the other end of the spectrum. My "favorite" experience is a get-together where someone actually whipped out a calculator when the bill arrived, and pointedly asked each person how many slices of pizza they ate that evening so they can figure out how much each person should pay. Frankly, how anyone can possibly remember how many slices they've had after several beers or margaritas is beyond me.

I've also been at birthday dinners where the celebrant announces ahead of time that they'll cover the first Px,000 of the bill, then leaves the group to order their dinners as they see fit. If the group doesn't spend beyond that pre-announced amount, then only the celebrant pays. If the group bill goes over, then everyone else splits the difference evenly.

At work, our usual practice is to have one person pay the bill at the restaurant, then someone volunteers to 'do the math' so that each individual is charged correctly, down to the centavo, with the tip factored in. The computation is done off-line, when we're all back at the office, and no one bothers to double-check if the figure is correct. We each just get an email or SMS saying how much we owe, and we dutifully go and pay the person who had advanced the payment. That person doesn't bother to check the total either.

Ordinarily, we wouldn't be this anal about the lunch bill at work, but since it's the same group of people eating out together on an almost daily basis, simply splitting the bill equally would have grown increasingly inequitable in the long run, especially for the very light eaters.

What I've found from observation is that splitting the bill evenly is a lot easier to handle when everyone in the group is still single or have no pressing financial burden. When you're a mixed group of singles and couples, especially in cases where the couples have children, then budgeting becomes more of an concern.

In the end, I don't think there's a right or wrong way to settle the bill. The actual approach doesn't matter, provided everyone understands right at the onset what the rules of the group are. I'm lucky enough that I can afford to simply go with the group norm, whatever that norm may be.

Great Friends

While I was out at dinner with a friend last night, I was reminded of something my boss once said about friendship:

It's possible to develop great friendships only with people who are like us enough that we have common ground, but different enough that we don't feel the urge to compete.

He didn't say it in exactly those words, but that's the gist of it, really.

This little bit of insight came to mind because I felt exactly this way at last night's dinner. My friend and I were alike enough in so many ways that we felt like kindred spirits, but we were different enough that we found interesting experiences to share with one another.

And while I was utterly exhausted by the time I got home (the past two weeks have really been very tiring), I'm truly glad that I dragged my butt to that dinner. haha!

To be honest, I was tired enough that I briefly considered canceling at the last minute. I didn't, though, because I had recently been reminded that face-to-face matters.

Preparations Underway

I have to hand it to my friends.

They're really going all out with the preparations for our barkada's 10th anniversary party this coming Sunday.

There's talk of a video presentation and people are looking for overhead projectors and screens and such. Luckily, I was able to borrow a projection screen from the office so at least that problem is solved.

It will be an interesting experience to have everyone over at the house since we rarely open our doors to parties, anti-social beings that we are. ;-P

What's amazing to me is that this group has been together for 10 years. Man, we're really growing old.

Vital Friends

Stumbled across a podcast interview of author Tom Rath whose second book, Vital Friends: The People You Can't Afford to Live Without, is out. The podcast is available courtesy of 800-CEO-Read and is hosted on Odeo.

The Vital Friends book has a companion site which lists the 8 roles that different friends fulfill in our lives -- and emphasizes that expecting one single person to fulfill all 8 roles is a guaranteed recipe for a disastrous relationship.

The roles are (see Vital Friends site for full descriptions):

• Builder. Motivators. They invest in your development and genuinely want you to succeed.

• Companion. Always there for you, whatever the circumstances.
  

• Connector. Bridge-builders who get to know you -- and then connect you to others.

• Collaborator. Friend with similar interests; you share a passion.

• Energizer. Your fun friends. You have more positive moments when you are with these friends.

• Mind Opener. Friends who expand your horizons with new ideas, opportunities, cultures, and people.

• Navigator. Friends who give you sage advice. You go to them whenever you need guidance, and they talk through the "pros" and "cons" with you until you find an answer.

• Champion. Champions stand up for you, and defend you until the end.

I find the concept behind the book interesting (although I haven't actually read the book yet) and I am seriously tempted to buy a copy because it's a drill-down on yet another Gallup book that I had read a few years ago, entitled First, Break all the Rules. That book forever changed the way I think of my role as a manager (but I won't go into why for now since that's a subject for another post. hehe!).

Anyway, I'm glad that I can actually name at least one person in my life for each of the above roles, with the possible exception of the Connector role... which I guess isn't that surprising since I've yet to master the fine art of networking.